Slow Down

On March 19, 2019 I was in a car accident. Hit at an intersection by a distracted driver that stated “I was distracted and didn’t realize it was red until it was too late for me to react.”

Luckily, everyone walked away from the wreck. She wasn’t hurt and I only had a couple of messed up bones.

These past couple of months though, I have had a lot of time to think, a lot of healing to do, and a lot has been revealed to me.

I remember how slow the seconds seemed to pass by after the moment I noticed the white car coming at my driver’s side door at what I later found out to be a little north of 55 mph. I was turning left that morning as the car speeding towards me caught my attention. I pressed the brakes to come to a complete stop and remember having time to glance and be sure my light was in fact green and see how much room I had left them to go by me. Within that last second of time before the impact, I remember seeing the car so close to me it was almost like a movie. I remember being so strangely calm.

The next second, I was in an extreme tea cup ride at Disney World. Calm. I remember thinking to hold on and try to stay sucked into my seat until my car stopped moving. I felt like I was just waiting it out being still.

Finally, a whole probably 5 seconds later but what felt like a good few minutes, I felt my car slowing down to a slow roll and sat up to see where I was and if it was safe to get out.

Both of our cars were on the opposite side of the intersection in the grass off to the side of the road. I immediately jumped out of my car to be sure the other driver was alright. I talked her through getting herself and her car over to a safe place away from the road and called 911.

As we waited for the wreck party to arrive we both stood there just looking at the mess. My first thought was “My car!!” (I loved my car.) But then as we eventually ended up standing together waiting, I didn’t care about my car anymore. I finally had time to remember the bigger picture.

She apologized countless times and I always responded with something along the lines of “Its okay,” “I’m just glad we’re okay,” or “I understand things happen.” At one point she said “I don’t understand. I hit you and you’re hurt, but you’re having to comfort me. I’m so sorry, that doesn’t make sense.” I laughed and said something about how my friends all say sometimes I’m “too chill” and that it made sense for her to be worked up. She asked me how old I was and she was shocked to learn that I was a year younger than her. (I’ve conditioned myself to roll with the punches because I don’t have time to not move past it immediately.)

Fast forward to after finding out my arm was in fact broken (special shout out to Aunt Lisa for making me go to the emergency room and convincing me that it was in fact not a deep tissue bruise & for driving me there) and after having the plate and screws put in the next morning. All I could think about was how inconvenient this whole thing was. Again, not taking time to see the bigger picture.

The wreck was the Tuesday before spring break. THE spring break. So many of my friends and I had had the best spring break week planned for months, I had a final presentation scheduled for that Thursday that was half of my grade for the course, I had just gotten a new job serving at a Mexican restaurant, and I had just gotten a brand new bionic arm.

The recovery of the injury and surgery is a whole story in itself- just know it was worse than a razor scooter to the ankle. 800 times. In a row. When it’s below freezing. While also having food poisoning from a Chinese restaurant.

The recovery of my priorities, though. That is what I realized needed healing more than anything.

I’m not saying I was meant to be in a wreck and miss the things I had planned, but I am saying I was meant to do exactly that. Miss the things I had planned.

I had a lot of time to sit at home while I was recovering and the world was happening around me.

I realized that I had forgotten what it was like to be back home. Or to enjoy someone’s company without checking the time multiple times because of having to leave to be somewhere else. Or to be able to see past my to-do list for just one day to even be able to enjoy the day.

I realized it was time for me to slow down.

If you know me personally, you know I am and always have been familiar with facing unfair inconveniences and keep on trucking. I’ve learned to accept difficult things and let them roll off my back at supernatural speed. (Again, a whole other story… or stories.) But I mean, that’s life right? For everyone. We live in a time where the only gear we know how to run in is high. So we take the punches and keep rolling because life goes on, right? There are things to do.

Graduate in 4 years. Or less!

Get a job, make big money ASAP! Oh but also, get a degree!

Attend all events you’re invited to!

Find a significant other! Get MARRIED!! HAVE A KID!!

Don’t you dare spend a day of doing nothing but enjoying yourself!!! What a shame!!

……No thanks.

Life becomes a checklist. A routine game of Whack-A-Mole. Rolling with the punches and remembering to eat 3 meals BEFORE midnight. All while still looking like you actually slept the night before and having combed hair.

Before March 19th, I was struggling with being surrounded by so many people, but still feeling so incredibly lonely. Going days without having a true face-to-face connection with someone. Anyone. I didn’t have the time. I didn’t make the time.

Any college student can attest to the fact that the end of every semester is challenging. Especially if that student also has any sort of extracurricular activities or job(s). Or any sort of life in general other than going to class. But how much of what we are spending so much of our time doing is actually going to matter in a few years? Months? Weeks? Days?

What is our goal here? To check off every task on our list every day? Just get it done and become a slave to our every day lives? To what? Be able to die and say we got everything done and went to everything we needed to. To be able to pass through this life completing the tasks that maintained this life?

Don’t get me wrong, things need to be done. Like showering- please, please shower. And being committed to your commitments. And doing your homework. And getting dressed. And eating. But don’t just eat- taste.

Don’t rush through life just so you can check things off the list. And don’t make that list of tasks to maintain this life so important that you forget why you’re here.

Tomorrow, here, isn’t promised for you or for the person next to you. We act like this life holds our destination and the more worldly tasks we accomplish, the closer we get to it.

“Slow down. Take a deep breath. What’s the hurry? Why wear yourself out? Just what are you after anyway?…” -Jeremiah 2:25

Living a life of love and purpose is hard to do when you don’t take a breath enough to love and to find your purpose.

Don’t be so distracted that you miss the red light. Don’t let the only time you have to slow down and take things in be in a car that is acting as a tea cup amusement ride. Don’t check so many things off your list that you didn’t stop to have a meal with your family instead of just eat.

We are just passing through this place. Our destination can’t and won’t be reached by washing all the dishes or aceing every test, but by making the time to live out a life of love and purpose. Making connections with others and yourself. Seeing this life for what it is and what it is not. And I can tell you- it is not our home. We won’t be here for long.